We’ll Never Have Paris – EIFF Review


Courtesy of Bifrost Pictures, The Bridge Finance Company, E2B Capital, H3 Films, Marc Platt Productions, Palmstar Entertainment

Directed by both Simon Helberg and his (unfortunate) wife, Jocelyn Towne, We’ll Never Have Paris features Helberg’s (cringingly) semi-autobiographical proposal story in what appears to be something akin to a pseudo-Woody Allen picture.

This comparison to Allen’s directorial attitude regarding romance shows itself in more than just subject, location and quick-speech; We’ll Never Have Paris shovels out slimy neuroses and self-deprication in ludicrous quantity. Despite said abundance of these idiosyncracies, Helberg’s central protagonist becomes entirely unfit for human consumption. By burying a quintessentially unlikable character in nearly insurmountable cinematic affectations, Helberg has truly shown that there’s no formula for charm.

Simon Helberg’s cringe-inducing (non)romantic comedy crudely force-feeds its characters on time-honoured flaws, only to watch on hopefully as the audience eventually gives in to its absurdity.




CAST: Melanie Lynskey, Zachary Quinto, Simon Helberg

DIRECTOR: Simon Helberg, Jocelyn Towne

WRITERS: Simon Helberg

SYNOPSIS: Quinn immediately regrets his decision to break up with his long-term girlfriend after “experimenting” with a colleague.


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